#i remembered that it had some kind of soup related demons curse

[exculis]

Len KILLED SOMEBODY??

[vikingsarememes]

His True Wife

previous part                         ↭ part  thirteen   ↭        

Main Characters: Hvitserk ‘whiteshirt’ Ragnarsson, Ubbe Ragnarsson, Reader.

Characters Mentioned: Ivar the Boneless, Original Characters, Torvi, Gunnhild, Bjorn Ironside, Katia, Prince Igor

Summary: you reached safety and with that, your life’s changed and your fate was decided, but this time, you are content about it even with all the obstacles that you are facing.

Word Count:   1862

A/N: the last chapter of a wonderful journey that I hope you all enjoyed as much as I did.

warnings: none

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You descended off the boat carefully, hugging your belly, almost six months pregnant, you followed Ubbe into a small village in the middle of the isolated Island, you never heard of, but it was beautiful, green, it looked like one of those islands you heard of, where winter never arrives “Hvitserk?” he called once he reached the center, it was beautiful, farms, everywhere, animals of different kinds, men and women, even little children, there weren’t many, but it had a different pace, a peaceful place.

The man walked out of a little stable and wiped his hands with a piece of cloth, hugging Ubbe first “brother, what are you doing here?” you stood there quietly until he noticed you and embraced you in a hug “Y/N!” he beamed, a little frown creeping once he noticed you weren’t just you anymore “come, please rest and tell me what happened, you wouldn’t visit with few men if it was just because you missed me” he invited you into his humble hut, starting the fire immediately, he poured water for you and soup, you drank gratefully.

 “Ivar’s bringing the Rus to takeover Kattegat, Y/N is only safe here, she’s the one who warned us, it’s the only place Ivar isn’t familiar with, you must keep her with you otherwise Ivar will kill her, he had already decided that she was a traitor” 

Ubbe explained, your eyes were focused on Hvitserk, he’s changed, he seems better, way better than the last time you saw him, he was healthy, clean, well-fed, all by himself, it made your heart warm, now that he had fought his demons for good, now that he doesn’t need you up his arse all the time to make sure he’s alright, you remember the first time you brought him to your farm after Ivar, he was terrified of everything, you had to look after him as if you looked after a scared child, but now he’s a man again, he collected his shattered pieces and fixed himself.

He and Ubbe talked about things you weren’t interested in listening to, you were too focused on your own thoughts “I guess we are destined to be together for tragedies only” he mumbled to you, reaching for your hand, you took it, this time, it didn’t feel strange to you, you smiled a little, Ubbe stood up and hugged his brother “I must return to Harald at once, perhaps next time I visit I could bring you few things with me?” Hvitserk nodded “don’t worry about me, brother, I’m alright, you return, bring Bjorn too, we’ll be fine,” he said glancing at you, Ubbe hugged you both goodbye “thank you for everything Ubbe” you whispered “you take care of yourself and your child, and Hvitserk as well, next time we meet, I’ll bring you good news of the terror that will end” you nodded and watched the older one leave, leaving you all alone with Hvitserk.

Hvitserk sat next to you, and pulled you into his arms, you leaned to him and cried your heart out, he sat there and comforted you, just like you once did to him, he held you until you calmed down then brushed your tears off with his thumbs “it’s over now, Ivar cannot have a hold on you here, you can heal, I’ve missed you so much, I know you’re mad at me for leaving, but watching you with him was a pain that kept my old wounds from healing, you deserve someone better but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me” 

“It seems like everyone expected this fate but me” you mumbled, resting your head on his chest “you did too, but you chose to give him a chance”, “because I’m a fool” you sniffled “no because you are kind, and that’s what I always loved about you, the world could be burning and you’d be enjoying the bright colors, you know it’s bad, but you chose to see the good, and trust me, you will be okay, and I will not leave your side, your child will be alright as well, I swear to you” you gave him a little weak smile, he then showed you the bed, you slept the moment you laid down, hoping with days, your tiring trip, the past few days, you hoped they will all be forgotten.

- A year had passed, your son was born, healthy and safe, the other on the way, Hvitserk treated him just like his own, you never left the island, no one bothered to visit neither, you were forgotten you knew Ivar was dead though, from the night you woke up screaming, clenching to your chest, it was the same night that your son decided to be born as if the gods were telling you it’s enough sadness, it’s time to think of the future, your son Ingfred was a blessing from the gods.

You and Hvitserk had a little farm together, one that was fruitful, nothing was dead in it, you had some animals, goats, children of Brenda the goat were running around, chicken and sheep as well as horses, in this new land, no one was a slave, everyone helped everyone, it was like the stories your slaves told you about their heaven, only better, this one wasn’t a delusion.

In this new world, you are Hvitserk’s wife, and you had pride in that, walking with your head high all the time, and together, you were strong, you loved each other so much, just when you thought Freya cursed you to live brokenhearted forever, the gods proved you wrong in the shape of the childhood friend of yours, that you found broken then you lost, that he found you broken and together you were fixed, you were carrying his child as well.

“Boats!” someone shouted, Hvitserk looked at you, you looked at him horrified, for a moment you thought Ivar had found you, your visions never lied before, yet your heart was racing, you picked up your little son, your husband picked his ax and headed to the docks, you followed, with the dagger Thoman gave you, you stood next to your husband as you waited for the boat to arrive, once you realized who it was, the two of you put your weapons down.

The two men walked to you and hugged you both, with the biggest grin you hugged back “Bjorn! Ubbe! You’re finally back!” you beamed, some other men were there as well, and more plants and animals, the men were all related to the ones on the island, it was a big reunion, everyone was so happy, the five of you headed to your hut, the meal was already ready, you always made extra food in case someone somewhere was hungry, you shared a meal, Ubbe played with your son for a while, gave him few gifts, so did Bjorn.

“How are Torvi and Gunnhild? I hoped for a reunion with them as well” you were somehow disappointed “our ladies are looking after Kattegat while we visit, they send their greetings, but for now, we hope that we’ll be enough I take it you are well?” Ubbe asked, glancing at your belly, you smiled “more than enough Ubbe, we are married, well, you two saw it before us, we wished you were with us but we knew you had other responsibilities” 

“The war was consuming, the Rus… they had us trapped for a month, then the war was horrible, we lost a lot of good men, even with Harald’s men we were outnumbered, and the assassins, it only ended when Ivar was killed by his new wife, yes, he took a third one, this time a Russian woman, Katia I think, she was with his child, but she was killed as well, the prince of Rus ordered her head for betrayal, once they had no leader, we attacked and swiped them, we buried him in the farm for his wish, he always said it was the only place he felt loved after Aslaug, we owed him that least.” Ubbe explained.

“You don’t seem very surprised,” Bjorn noticed, you faked a smile “I’ve known for a while now Bjorn, I’ve always had a connection with Ivar, it was my gift, and the fact that the two of you are here, not him confirms my suspicions,”  you told, Hvitserk reached for your hand, even though he was your husband, he understood the love you had for his brother, he wouldn’t deny you the feelings of grief, but you accepted his fate a long time ago, there was nothing left to mourn “Kattegat is now under the wings of Harald, he kept us responsible of it for the sake of everything we’ve been through and when we helped it on its feet once again we came to you, baring gifts, and hoping the three of you would return with us” Bjorn continued, you looked at your husband frowning, he understood.

“Our life is here, stay for a few days, if you stay you’ll understand why we can’t leave, we have nothing back in Kattegat” Hvitserk replied “is there anything we can say to change your mind?” the two of you glanced at each other and shook your head no “look at them! Teaming up against us!” Bjorn scoffed “oh brother, they’ve been always a team against everyone else, it’s now that they’re husband and wife why we’re noticing it!” Ubbe answered and the four of you laughed.

- Years had passed, you and your husband watched your island grow, you were selected to lead the people, an honor that you embraced, you watched your children grow and your life was filled with happiness, you and Hvitserk made sure Ingfred knew Ivar, you told him all kind of stories about him, you told him the story of a man, everyone else despised, until they created an outrageous monster that wanted to destroy everyone and everything in his way.

You told him about a man that you loved with all of your heart, how happy you were even if it was for a short period of time, you talked about his brilliance, his intelligence, and how happy he was to learn that he will receive a child, by time, your stories of him expanded until your son had the full truth.

even though Hvitserk never treated him anything less than his own, you owe the man you once loved this much, but Hvitserk, he was another story, he was what the christens called a saint, which is funny for everyone who knows the man.

You learned how to fight alongside with your four children, one girl named Thora, and two younger boys, Rognvald and Fridlelf, and you lived a long life, the two of you watched your children grow into wonderful men and women and watched your grandchildren fill the island with laughter and love you never knew sadness or cried a tear, your life was honorable, isolated and peaceful, and when gods decided it was time to take you, you had no regrets but plenty of memories to warm your heart.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Tags: (let me know if you want to be tagged for this story) @youbloodymadgenius​ @lol-haha-joke​ @i-am-a-teenage-dirtbaggg​ @gearhead66​ @joebob15274​ @supernaturalvikingwhore​ @xbiekesx​ @yg0angelittaa​

Images source: stolen from google images.

[radramblog]

Every Mono-Black Commander Part 1: Oh right, old magic design

A while back, I did a couple of articles regarding every single (at the time) Boros legend available to helm one’s commander deck. It was a long, slow process, but it’s a color combination I care about a lot, so I think it was worth the while.

I kinda felt like doing this again, so I was wondering what colours would be best to do this about. And it turns out the colour combo I care about the most after Boros is…mono-black. I mean, I have 2 mono-black decks at time of writing with a third half-built, so it stands to reason that I’m clearly an expert in this field.

Now…this might be a mistake. This might take a while. Because as it turns out, there are almost 3 times as many B commanders as RW ones. But, we’ll figure it out as we go. This is: Every Mono Black Commander. Part one. Of I don’t know how many. Once again I’m not including the partners because that’ll take too long, but to be fair, it’ll be a hot minute until we get there.

Baron Sengir (12 decks, 88th most played)

Oh right. Homelands. Part of the upside with doing Boros last was that I got to skip this entire phase of Magic’s design, since Enemy colour pairs weren’t allowed to have cards until, like, Apocalypse. There wasn’t a Boros commander until Ravnica, so the cards I was talking about were at least functional.

Baron Sengir is an old, old classic at this point. The original Vampire tribal commander, it’s an 8-mana flyer with two basically shite abilities and has been pretty heavily outdone by, among other things, himself. But, he’s still Baron fucking Sengir, so you can’t help but appreciate him. Just read that flavour text, it’s so unbelievably edgy but still so cool.

 Grandmother Sengir (4 decks, N/A)

For some reason, EDHREC doesn’t list anything below a card we’ll get to later on the list, so I don’t know how Grandmother Sengir stacks up against such powerful competition. Look, she’s an overcosted creature with a bad ability, I know I love jank but this is just uninteresting. Next.

(Also if she’s part of the Sengir family why is she a Human not a Vampire?)

 Ihsan’s Shade (32 decks, 69th most played)

If I had to guess, Ihsan’s Shade has such a nice position on account of its reprint at Uncommon in Masters 25, letting it be one of the 15 commanders available for the colour identity in Pauper commander- though most of those are fairly new cards, so for a while the Shade was probably one of the better options. And that’s just sad. But hey, still dodges White removal and most of Red’s, so eh. He’s the only Legendary Shade (barring changelings), so I guess he’s got that going for him if you want to build that deck.

 Irini Sengir (6 decks, 102nd most played)

Legendary Creature- Vampire Dwarf is a fun typeline, but that’s about the best Irini has going for her. I guess she’s a Black card that messes with Enchantress, so if you’re really struggling with like, 4 Estrid decks in your meta, why not. Or just play a deck with Fracturing Gust.

 Veldrane of Sengir (9 decks, 94th most played)

…holy shit this card is just awful, isn’t it? Looking at what’s below it on the decks list, some of these cards are a lot more interesting and I have no idea why you’d play this idiot over any of those. I’d rather build Irini, man.

Aight are there any other Sengirs I should know about? No? Good, thank fuck.

 Purraj of Urborg (3 decks, N/A)

Well we’re through Homelands, but it’s still early Magic design. Purraj at least does A Thing, where she gets bigger if you cast black spells. I can actually envision a decklist built around Purraj in a way that I couldn’t with half of these Sengir dorks. She’s still comically underpowered, and I of course understand why people wouldn’t build her, but you could do something here.

 Shauku, Endbringer (16 decks, 83rd most played)

Shauku is the first of these cards that is like, actually kickass. It’s kind of unfortunate that she’s been overshadowed somewhat by similar murder commanders, but she’s still the original. Not only that, but she exiles things too, which is honestly a pretty decent effect in the zone. Shame about that drawback, though, because you’d love to attack with your big flier. Oh well, guess you have to keep exiling things.

Oh right, 7 mana. Yeah ok fair enough moving on.

Spirit of the Night (16 decks, 82nd most played)

Spirit of the Night has the same number of decks as commander as Shauku, but I assume its slightly higher because more people are playing it in the 99? Either way, here’s your first Big Daddy Demon to ramp out. 9 mana, huh? It’s one of the first Keyword Soup cards, and it’s art is absolutely phenomenal- gotta be one of the genuinely scariest pieces of art from that era of Magic, maybe all eras- but it is kinda let down a bit by the statline. Legitimately, if this card had 1 more power (and therefore could 3HKO people with commander damage) it would see so much more play.

 Gallowbraid (5 decks, 106th most played, the bottom of the list)

This is the card I mentioned earlier, the lowest thing that EDHREC has deigned to put on its list. I can see why people wouldn’t want to run it, though. Not only is it basically a French vanilla creature, it also actively hurts you for playing it. No one likes cumulative upkeep, and I cannot imagine wanting it on your Commander. This thing isn’t worth the skin it’s made of, apparently.

 Morinfen (11 decks, 92nd most played)

It’s Gallowbraid but it traded the Trample and a point of toughness for Flying, making it substantially better and yet still completely useless. Next.

 Commander Greven il-Vec (4 decks, N/A)

I’m… actually surprised to see Greven below Gallowbraid, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the case a couple years ago. Don’t ask me why I remember these things. Considering, however, that his only real claim to fame is his story presence, and people who like him now have a better card with his face on it, I guess it isn’t much surprise his numbers would drop off a bit. He’s at least got some flavour, I guess, considering he’s apparently a very outlived-your-usefulness kinda leader, but that’s not going to make up for being yet another overpriced card with a downside and a mediocre evasive ability.

 Crovax the Cursed (7 decks, 97th most played)

Hey look, they spent an entire line of text on this guy making sure you know he’s a Vampire because Summon Legend Vampire was to complex a technology for 1998. Wait, 1998? I thought Stronghold was way older than that, huh. Regardless, like a bunch of these cards so far, Crovax pretty much just a dude, except he has to eat other dudes to stay relevant. Can’t relate, frankly.

 Cao Cao, Lord of Wei (33 decks, 66th most played)

Oh fuck, we left the Homelands zone and ended up in the Portal: 3 Kingdoms zone. For the unaware, P3K was the third “starter” set Magic released, this time targeted towards the Asian market- hence the whole set is a reference to the famous historical novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms.  Considering the book in question, a lot of these cards were probably real people at some point, which just makes me feel weird.

Anyway, Cao Cao is actually one of the more interesting ones. He’s the first Discard commander on this list so far, and tapping to Mind Rot is actually pretty solid. Cao Cao walked so Tinybones could run. He’s also one of the less expensive ones, owing to having been reprinted in From the Vault: Legends, but the price tag he commands is still comical for the card you’re getting. It’s fine.

 Cao Ren, Wei Commander (5 decks, 105th most played)

Oh horsemanship. Literally just flying but for the historical fiction set where things aren’t allowed to fly. Cao Ren is literally just a draft common, man. I’m not paying $200 to put a draft common in my deck.

 Sima Yi, Wei Field Marshal (5 decks, 104th most played)

Sigh. Wait, this might have been the biggest Human creature in Magic for a while, that it’s this random old strategist is kinda hilarious.

 Xiahou Dun, the One-Eyed (77 decks, 53rd most played)

Wait, this guy is the most played so far? Xiahou Dun? I mean, I know he was in the MTGO cube for a bit, but really?

Ok alright fine. He’s probably the least bad of the P3K commanders (at least in black) because he can replace himself with a card or just swing in, his stats aren’t completely unreasonable. But still, this is silly, there are some genuinely bonkers cards that are seeing less play than Xiahou. What am I missing here? I just don’t know.

 Xun Yu, Wei Advisor (2 decks, N/A)

I distinctly remember once looking at the total commanders on EDHREC with no decks. I don’t remember if I saw this guy. I do remember actually being able to see the bottom of the list, so what the hell man maybe I want to build Zuo Ci.

…someone has actually built Zuo Ci, now, huh. Anyway point is Xun Yu is both bad and boring so next.

 Zhang He, Wei General (3 decks, N/A)

…he’s better than Xun Yu, at least? He’s still a hundred-ish dollar bad card, but you know. Technically speaking, you could do worse.

 Zhang Liao, Hero of Hefei (1 deck, N/A)

While a lot of P3K cards are just reflavoured vanilla magic cards, in this case they decided to just take flying off Abyssal Specter and…not put Horsemanship back on it. Shoutout to the one guy apparently playing this deck, but I’ve got to ask why.

I don’t know if there even are any 0-deck commanders left at this point. I should look into that…

 Ascendant Evincar (34 decks, 65th most played)

Finally free of P3K, we’re closing off today with yet another meh card that has been overshadowed by newer ones, great. Shrinking your opponents stuff down one is a super good effect in limited, not so much in Commander- two, of course, is nuts, Elesh Norn is a very good card, but -1/-1 just isn’t worth your time most of the time. And you can’t even really abuse it on your own stuff. I guess he’s aight with Heartless Summoning? I’m really grasping at straws here!

 Okay, so, that’s the first 20. Sick. Now at this pace, I’ll be done after another….5 articles? Holy shit, I forgot how many bad magic cards WOTC has put out, didn’t I…

Next time (whenever I continue this series), we enter a substantially more interesting, if longer, zone- the Kamigawa Zone. Ta-ta for now.